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Bringing Death Home: HOW AND WHY PARENTS SHOULD TEACH CHILDREN ABOUT DEATH
WHITTIER, CA -- Death. While we live our lives in
quiet fear of our inevitable demise, we shield our children from the
mere mention of it. When
a friend or relative dies, we often simply tell youngsters the
person has “gone away,” or “gone to heaven.” We make the topic of death
taboo. Meanwhile, kids
see death on television, in the often stunning reality of video
games, and hear about it each night on the news.
Then a Columbine massacre occurs, and we all wonder why. But psychologist Dr. Arnold Nerenberg asks, “What
were the two young murderers thinking about when they opened fire at
their school? Did they actually understand the concept of death? Did they truly comprehend
its finality or appreciate its reality?”
Dr. Nerenberg, sponsor of the
website www.parentalrespect.com and America’s leading
authority on parenting, believes parents can and should fully
explain the topic of death to children. He says parents can help
children understand death and in the process make them value life
and even improve their behavior.
“Because death is often casually
portrayed in entertainment, parents need to ‘bring it home’ in
very real terms,” says Nerenberg.
“This doesn’t mean having kids view corpses, but for
parents to explain the concept, reality and physical finality of
death to them.”
Nerenberg believes parents should
begin discussing death with children as young as six years of age,
and be as honest when it comes to describing how and why a person
has died. For older children, he
suggests using actual coffins as visual aides to reinforce the
reality of death.
He contends that children should understand: ·
The physical finality of death --
Why it is an irreversible occurrence that permanently separates a
person from the material world.
Discuss heaven or the afterlife as separate topics. ·
The concept of death -- How death is a part of the
cycle of life, but how this cycle can be altered by the actions of
others, disease and accidents. ·
The reality of death -- Why death is not as it is
portrayed in video games, television and movies, but a very real
occurrence. ·
The constructive aspect of death -- How an understanding of
death can promote appreciation
for life.
“In the case of an intentional
killing such as school shootings, we often explain to young children
where the “good” people have gone, without focusing on the acts
of the “bad” person,” says Nerenberg. “This sends mixed signals
-- at some level, the child can register the incident at as a good
thing because innocent people have gone to a good place. While this doesn’t mean
they will view murder as acceptable, it does mean that they may not
fully comprehend the finality and reality of death.”
Dr. Nerenberg, creator of the “death visualization”
therapy in which troubled teens visualize a parent or loved one in
actual coffin, has appeared on national television programs
including Montel, Sally Jessy
Raphael and Extra. A practicing clinical
psychologist for over 30 years, he is the author of numerous books
including Raising Adults to be Parents. # # # |
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